I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
