why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
