Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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