i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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