Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
