Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
