I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
