my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
