the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You were trust falling into bushes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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