it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
