wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
