in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
