Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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