Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
