Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
