It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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