Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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