well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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