My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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