I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
