the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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