seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
