My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
