when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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