I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
