mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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