sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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