Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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