I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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