I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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