Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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