she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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