marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
