So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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