4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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