I'm jealous of your bromance
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
