My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
