Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize