you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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