shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
