dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
