Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
