Taylor Swift is so right about you.
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
