I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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