I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
