she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
