I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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