K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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