Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
