Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
