oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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