I am puke
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
