Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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