Non-Jews are for practice
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
