just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
