dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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