All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
