Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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