So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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