I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
