is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
