he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
