Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
