the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
