I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
