I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
