and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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