Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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