time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Less talking, more tequila
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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