Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
