you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
