I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
COCAINE IS GR8
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
