You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
