How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
